An Old Knives Tale

An Old Knives Tale.

So this is something that happened to me just the other day that made me realize just how much God has planned for us, and how  much he will provide if we trust him to.  

My parents where planning on sending me a care package so I asked if they could get me an early Christmas present, a Zune, as well as to send me my hunting knife when I realized I was asking Garrett for his a couple times a week to pick out splinters, open things or whatever else the situation required.  A couple weeks later tag brought us packages that family members had sent us, he had the Zune but not the knife.  When this happened, I just figured I would get one somewhere in my travels and get my hunting knife sent back to my parents.  I decided I would get one at The Academy ( a sporting goods store) or Wal-Mart next time we where there.  When I thought this, God said no.  I didn’t understand why, but it was a pretty firm no, so I put the entire thing out of my mind.  So Monday came and we dropped off all of the other groups at the airport.  It was a really sad day for us all.  We went and picked up Jessica’s parents afterward and then went to Wal-Mart, then The Academy.  At this point the only thing I really wanted to get before we left for Nica was some good books.  I remember having a real struggle with faith while walking through The Academy.  I began to question whether the voice I’ve begun to discern from my own voice is really God or just a voice in my head.  In the mists of the struggle I just asked God to help me trust him more, and let me know if the voice was his or not.  The entire thing only lasted about three minutes or so, but it left my head filled with not only thoughts of goodbye, but also very tired.  Garrett and I where just wandering around The Academy at this point when we hit the knife section and the thoughts of what God told me about buying a knife were far from my mind.  I saw a set of three nice knives for a really good price.  The thought of buying them satisfied a simple pleasure in my head, the idea of having just seemed good for no reason so I decided to buy it, reasoning that I did use Garrett’s knife a lot ant I would surely use these a lot as well.  It was not until after I was in the van with the case open when I remember what God had told me just a few days earlier.  Pangs of guilt hit me, but I was just honest with God and said I forgot and was distracted, then apologized for not listening and moved on.  The next day, yesterday, we went to the bookstore in the mall.  I was going to get three books but seeing how I had bought the knives I only had enough money for one.  I didn’t make the connection at this time that if I didn’t buy the knives, I would had the books I wanted, I just viewed it as me running out of money.  Later that night, I intended on having some quite time so I left the room and hid myself in the solitude of the old leaders bedroom.  After a little while, I began to get restless so I just started pacing.   That’s when I saw it.  Someone had left a knife behind here.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, if I had listened to God’s words, I would have the knife I needed and the books I wanted as well as having something to bring glory to God’s name with, with his provision.  I felt like I was a parent and God was my child, my child had volunteered to go buy me a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs I needed.  I said sure, go do it, but thinking he wouldn’t pull through I did it myself.  This was the moment when I had my milk and eggs on the kitchen table and God the child walks in, proudly carrying the milk and eggs he brought me, only to see the ones I got myself sitting in front of me on the table.  I could see how hurt he was that I didn’t trust him enough with these small needs that I felt I had to do it my own way and not listen to him, not trust him.  

On the brighter side of things, I asked God to show me if the voice in my head was from him or not, and he showed me that it was.  I just wish I could have learned that from the side of obedience and not disobedience.  Be praying for me as I continue to discern God’s voice more and more, and try and hear him in different ways.  

I love you all and you are always in my prayers,

Tom Kratz Jr.